Have you ever wondered what it’s like being an au pair in Paris? About four years ago I did. I saw my chance to leave my heavy & stressful work life in NYC to return to my dream city, and took it. In August 2015 I took the plunge and moved to Paris to be an au pair for a French family. This experience truly changed my life as it is today. There are a lot of experiences one can have as an au pair, and I’ve experienced a wide span of the good, bad, and ugly while working for 3 different families. This post is a tale of my experiences (and some of others too) and an inside look as to what it’s like to be an Au Pair in Paris.
What is an “Au Pair”?
An au pair is a nanny working for a family in a foreign country while being granted the right to live and study there by the local government. Despite popular belief, you do not always have to live inside a family’s home. The trade off is basically the opportunity to be “hosted” in another country in exchange for childcare. What does this typically look like? Let me give you the breakdown.
The Au Pair “Program”
Family’s Obligations
- Room & Board – the family must provide either a private room in their family home or a separate living accommodation. Many buildings in Paris have what’s called a “Chambre de Bonne” which is a small room at the top floor of the building where the family lives. It usually has a shower inside, but a shared toilet on the floor. The entrance is typically different from the main entrance and there is a service entrance leading into the kitchen of the family’s apartment. This is often a typical au pair live-out situation, though you can also get a studio or other living space.
- Expenses paid – This is variable depending on what the family chooses to pay for but typically includes your monthly transportation and mobile phone. Some families may only pay for transportation, or offer to pay at least half. My advice is to work for families offering both totally covered because the pocket money (see below) is typically a small amount.
- Pocket money – The family is required to pay you 85€ per week minimum in Paris. The pay can be higher from there depending on the family. My advice is to accept no less than 100€ per week.
- Social Security – Families are legally required to declare you and pay into your social security benefits – this means healthcare. If you plan to stay for awhile, the family should a file sent in for the card (Carte Vitale) to receive these benefits. In any case, your family should be ok with reimbursing you for medical things should you need.
Nanny’s Obligations
- Childcare – The obvious obligation of the nanny is to take care of the kids. The schedule will vary depending on the ages of the children and the working hours of the parents. Duties usually include: pick-up and/or drop off to school, helping with homework, preparing meals/cooking, some grocery shopping or errands, bathing, and playing. Families usually expect the nanny to speak to their kids in their native tongue as a way to help the kids learn another language.
- French language courses – You are required under this visa program to enrol and take 6-10 hours per week of French language classes in order to assimilate into French culture. Your visa status is technically listed as Student and this is why. I’ll get into the schools later in this post.
- Babysitting – this is a subject that will most certainly come up in your contract. It will vary between families, but usually you are required to babysit occasionally for the parents, meaning putting the kids to sleep and waiting for mum and dad to come home after normal working hours. You may come to an agreement of X amount of babysittings per month included in your contract, or paid at X amount per hour that you babysit after normal hours. I suggest trying to work out the second option in order to value your time and not feel that you’re being taken advantage of. If your pocket money reflects the babysittings then it’s a perfectly good option.
A hint of luck – My first experience
My first two years as an au pair were with a wonderful family and it was the most enriching and loving experience that I’ve ever experienced with children. I got lucky.
For one, I had a friend who had been an au pair in Paris for a year already when I contacted her. She divulged her pay, living situation, and hours which helped me to navigate the base of what to look for. I also had already lived in Paris four years prior during a study abroad, so I was familiar with the neighbourhoods and knew that I would only accept living within the city instead of a nearby suburb. I cannot stress enough how important it is to first determine these factors before you begin your search. This will absolutely determine your luck in the families you find. There are so many families and opportunities out there, but only a few that will be right for you. I was lucky to find a perfect match and part of that came from weeding out the situations I simply wouldn’t accept.
My minimum requirements during my search
What I wanted
- Location – Paris, any neighbourhood as long as it was within the city limit or at least on a metro line.
What I found
- Paris, 16th arrondisement.
- Living situation – Live-out, separate from the family.
- a furnished studio, separate from the family that was a 12 min walk to their home and a 5 min walk to the kids’ school.
- Expenses – Paid transportation.
- Monthly navigo pass (transport), mobile phone, reimbursed doctor visits, 1st semester of school paid for.
- Pocket money – 100€ per week (400€ per month).
- P100€ per week + 50€ for food = 150€ per week (600€ per month).
- Schedule – After school only, no weekends except for some babysitting.
- After school from 4:30pm – 8pm. Wednesdays 12pm – 8pm. Off on weekends and paid extra for babysitting at 10€ / hr.
Why it worked so well
It’s really clear that this family was the obvious choice to pursue as they offered more than what I was expecting. It wasn’t their first time having an au pair and they knew what they needed and expected from a nanny. This is why it was a perfect fit. Both sides knew what we were looking for and expecting going into it, making the match obvious and clear.
We set aside time to video chat and move onto the next steps of getting to know each other on a personal level. This is the other way that I got lucky. By starting off on the same page on the business end, we could easily form a personal relationship. I truly felt that these people had my back and had my best interests at heart along with their children’s. This created trust between us. I felt that I could come to them with any concerns or difficulties. The parents respected my way of setting boundaries and rules with the children, and as a result the kids were well behaved and respectful. OK, they are also just great people so that helps. It’s no surprise that I’m still in touch with them to this day.
The ugly side of being an au pair
Not every au pair situation works out perfectly. I can personally say that I’ve lived on the ugly side of nannying as well as the ideal. After leaving my first host family of 2 years (you are only granted this status for a maximum of 2 years btw), I worked for another family as a nanny and went through some critical pains.
My bad experience
These parents were younger, had smaller children, worked more, and had no experience with having a primary nanny. Though one of these characteristics is not necessarily a red flag, a combination of them can be a bad recipe.
Simply put, they had completely unrealistic expectations. This meant that no matter how great of a job I did, they still felt that I could do more for them. The parents often demanded things from me that were not in our agreement, such as staying at their house to receive packages or be there for construction work during my usual free time at no extra pay.
The children were difficult. One kid wouldn’t eat anything – she was extremely picky and it was my job to feed her. She also threw exaggerated tantrums which included her physically hitting me and outright disobeying my rules in order to win attention from her parents. The problems laid within the parenting. These were personal problems that were not my job to fix, but severely affected my day to day with the kids and my overall experience.
Family drama and unrealistic expectations
These are the two things that can make nannying a negative experience for anyone. It is not your responsibility to be a family therapist. It is not your obligation to say “yes” to everything that is being asked of you. The solution to this is to stick up for yourself 100% of the time. If you are uncomfortable with something, speak up. I know people who started off in difficult situations which made a complete turn around for the better once they stood up and voiced their pain. If speaking up doesn’t work, know that you are free to leave. I also personally know people who changed families and had great experiences after doing so.
Unfair conditions
Another issue that I’ve seen in the au pair world is unfair conditions such as being underpaid, overworked, and no allowance of free-time or separation of work. The best way to avoid this is to do your research first and not to settle with a family that might not pay enough but “seem so nice”. Often times a live-in situation or sharing of transportation (such as the family car) can result in a blurry line of freedom. This will absolutely weigh down on your experience. You are being welcomed into a family, but you should live your own life.
My advice
Set clear expectations of what you want this experience to be like, before you start your search. Be firm in your decision and follow leads that match them. If you get messages from families offering less, ask if they are willing to meet your demands. Don’t worry if they won’t negotiate, there will be a family who will meet your standards. This is how you will end up with not only a suitable situation, but most likely create a great personal relationship with the family you work for.
If the tides turn and you uncover that the family you started with is difficult to work for, speak up. Make your concerns and pains known since a problem can’t be fixed until addressed anyway. This isn’t very easy to do, but often is a great learning experience in life. If things aren’t getting better or the situation is out of your control (for example the parents decide to get a divorce resulting in crazy drama.. yes this actually happened to my friend), my best advice is to look elsewhere and change families. This is totally possible and you have a legal right to do so. You deserve a great experience and being an au pair can absolutely give you that in the right situation.
The au pair community
There is a massive community of au pairs and families that use them. In Paris alone, there are several Facebook groups with 1,000 – over 13k members. This is a place to ask questions, share your experiences, get help, find work, and even make friends.
The most common thing that I hear about being an au pair in Paris is that it can be extremely lonely and isolating. The truth is, Paris can just be that way for anyone just moving here. It’s a big city and the French typically stick within their groups of friends. It’s not impossible to penetrate, but it does take time and effort. It took me years to make French friends, but that doesn’t mean I had to be alone the entire time before that. Utilise the groups in order to meet with other au pairs. Do things on your own. When I first moved back here I spent an enormous amount of time wandering around the different arrondissements alone and it was some of the best time that I’ve ever spent with myself.
Living on an au pair wage
This is a question I get a lot. Is it even possible to enjoy Paris on “pocket money”? The answer is yes, if you don’t settle for less. The advantage of being hosted in France is that your expenses are covered. If your family pays for your monthly transportation, phone, and living accommodations, your pocket money is your spending money.
Tips on saving money
Eat with the kids
Most au pair schedules require you to prepare dinner for the kids. In a lot of cases you’ll eat with them. This is a huge money saver! If you enjoy cooking like I do, then take advantage of this situation and suggest meals you’d like to prepare. Every family I’ve worked for has been very thrilled about the idea. It even created a 180 turn-around with the picky eater.
Rent your space to take trips
This one applies if you have your own separate apartment. Renting your flat out for a few days while you take a train somewhere is the simplest way to pay for travel as an au pair. It also keeps your apartment safe from burglary when you’re away. *keep in mind it’s not always possible to sublet so make sure you take caution before jumping into this idea.
Use your student status for free admission
Most museums offer free admission for students on certain days. You just need to bring your student visa or school ID card and be under 25! There are discounts ALL OVER PARIS for students.
Buy your groceries like the French do
You’ll save money if you buy only what you need regularly. Fall out of the habit of stocking up on things – it only ends in waste! The French bring home baguettes every day on their way home from work. It serves them during dinner and the rest is for breakfast. Also, it actually tends to be less expensive to buy directly from the butcher or produce stand. I know that isn’t how it works in the states, but if you pay attention to the price/kg you’ll see that your packaged meats and fruits are not only less fresh, but also more expensive! If you follow this method you’ll not only save money but you’ll be healthier as well. Trust.
Eat out at lunch time instead of dinner
Most restaurants have much lower prices during lunch hours. You can get a 3 course meal at lunch for the price of one main dish during dinner time at many places. This is easy to do if you plan to eat your dinners at work with the kids. You don’t have to eat in every meal to save money. You can absolutely live it up and try the great restaurants on a budget. Tap water and bread are also free of charge at restaurants. Hurray!
So, you want to be an au pair you say?
My experiences being an au pair have been all over the map. It can certainly be this way. A lot of factors come into play when it comes to the kind of experience one might have, but one thing is sure, this kind of experience is a great opportunity for living in another country and experiencing a different culture and way of living than you are used to.
In my opinion, there is absolutely no city like Paris. I truly love living here and I am 150 percent happy that I left my life in NYC, stable job and all, to live here as a nanny and expat. I’m grateful for the experiences that I’ve had and continue to grow and learn from all of the things that France throws my way. There remains the subject of administration tasks which are probably the worst thing about France, but that is a topic for another day.
If you’re wondering what it’s like to be an au pair in Paris, I hope I’ve shed some light with my experiences. If you want to become an au pair in my glorious city, let me know! If you’re ready to take the next step, or already looking into families, make sure to check out this important post on things to look out for when becoming an au pair in Paris.
If I haven’t answered all your questions, or you have something you’d like to discuss with me, feel free to email me.
XO,
♡ Tamara
Zoe
That’s so interesting. I’ve never thought of being an au pair as a way of living abroad. Definitely something to think about 🤔.